58 Funny Jokes Short in English । Best Collections of Funniest Short Jokes Ever for Fun
Funny Jokes Short : WHEN I DRINK, I LIKE IT HERE
A friend asks another:
- Where are you for vacation?
- Nowhere, I’m afraid to flying.
- So you should have a drink,then you will not be afraid.
- Yes, but when I drink, I like it here …
Funny Jokes Short
DRUNK GUY IN A TAXI
Drunk guy gets in a taxi.
Taxi driver ask him:
- Where do you need to go?
And guy tell him:
- It`s non of your business.
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DRUNK ENOUGH Funniest Short Jokes Ever
One friend saying to another :
– Do you know how I feel when should I stop drinking?
– How?
– I start really liking my wife.
HALF A MILLION IS ALSO GOOD Funniest Jokes
Guy come in the book store and say to a sales person:
- Yesterday I bought here book ” How to make a million dollars ” , but the book missing half of its pages.
Sales person answer :
- But half a million is also very good.
OVERCOME LAZINESS Funny Jokes Short
Decided to overcome laziness, began to read the article how to beat laziness … but was too lazy to finish it.
VERY LAZY GIRL Fanny Jokes
Very lazy girl even was waking up early every morning to do nothing for a longer time.
HEARING ON THE CASE OF SPAMMER Funny Jokes Short
Recently it was first in the history hearing on the case of spammer.
Letters to appear in court was sent to 1000972275 witnesses.
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CARRY OUT PIANO VERY QUIET Funny Jokes
- Are you selling a piano?
- Yes. But on one condition.
- What is that?
- The piano has to be carried out very quiet, so my wife and daughter did not notice that.
ALMOST LIKE REAL Funny Jokes Short
Woman comes to a precinct:
– Officer somebody stole my diamond ring!!!
– How did it look like?
– Almost like real.
LAST DATE THEN Funniest Short Jokes Ever
Guy says to a girl on their first date:
- Can I come to your place for a cup of coffee?
- I never invite home on the first date!
- Ok, let`s pretend it`s our last date then!
ALSO BUY A BOOK ABOUT CRIMINAL LAW Funniest Joke
- Do you have a the book ” Ho to become reach in three months” ?
- Of course, but if you buy this one, I also recommend to buy another one.
- Which one?
- ” Criminal Law”.
I HAVE A NEW WIFE Fanny Jokes
Two friends meet. One says:
- I don`t know what to do. My life is so strict now. Every minute is under control. Orders come one after another…..
- Do you have a new boss?
- No, I have a new wife.
DID NOT SEE HIS BIRTH Funny Jokes
Judge says:
- Witness, in court you have to say only about things that you saw with your own eyes.
- I understood, your honor.
- So, when were you born?
- Unfortunately I can`t say – I didn`t see that !
BECAUSE YOU ASK A LOT OF QUESTIONS Funniest Short Jokes Ever
- Defendant, why do you lie so much? – judge asks.
- Because you are asking a lot, your honor.
EASIER PUNISHMENT Funniest Jokes
Judge:
- Do you want to say anything that would make your punishment easier?
- Yes, Your Honor. It would be easier for me to serve my time, if you put comfortable couch and TV in my cell.
ABOUT HALF A MILE Funny Jokes Short
The judge asked the witness:
- You claim to have seen the defendant shot the victim three times. How far were you from the scene of the attack?
- When he shot the first time or the third?
- What’s the difference?
- Very big ….about half a mile …..
COULD HE STEAL THE MONEY? Fanny Jokes
Judge asking a witness:
- You are saying that you know defendant since childhood and you believe in him like in yourself. What is your opinion: could he steal the money?
- Hmm….What amount of money are we talking about?
TRY TO AVOID A BAD COMPANY Funny Jokes
Judge:
- This time you got lucky and you found not guilty, but in the future try to avoid a bad company.
- Of course, your honor, I`ll try to stay away from you.
NOT EVEN ONE WORD Funniest Short Jokes Ever
- Defendant, how come for five years of marriage you didn`t say to your wife not even one word? – judge asks.
– But, your honor, it`s very disrespectful to interrupt woman.
JUDGE AND YOUNG THIEF Funniest Joke
Judge saying to a young thief :
– When you were robbing the store, why didn`t you think about your future family?
– That`s what I was thinking about, your honor.
WEDDING IS CANCELED Funny Jokes Short
In the court judge is asking :
– Witness, did you see that she was hitting her husband ?
– Yes.
Why you didn`t do anything about it ?
– I did! I called my fiancée and told her that our wedding is canceled…
SHE IS LOOKING FOR ME Fanny Jokes
In the court :
I want to divorce my wife : at night time she is going to all the bars possible.
– Does she drink there? – judge is asking.
– No, she is looking for me.
CAN`T MAKE REAL MONEY YET Funny Jokes
Judge:
– Why you were making fake money?
Defendant:
Why?! Because I can`t make real money yet.
YES….,I AM MARRIED!!!LAWYERS JOKES FUNNY
Woman comes to a lawyer and says:
- Help me get a divorce please.
- Do you have a good reason?
- Yes…, I am married!!!
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MY WIFE ASKING WHERE IS ALL THE MONEY Funniest Short Jokes Ever
- I do not understand you, – said the lawyer to his client. – Barely after serving a sentence for robbery, you go and beat up the editor of the newspaper. Why is that?
- Look, I stole a thousand dollars, and that bastard wrote in his newspaper that I stole ten thousand!!! Now my wife asking where is all the money.
Funniest Short Jokes Ever
WHO IS GOING TO PAY ME MY FEE? Funny Jokes Short
Attorney to the client:
- Please do not hide from me. Is it true that you robbed the bank and took 500,000 dollars?
- I swear I did not!
- Really? I refuse to defend you. Who is going to pay me my fee?
ARE YOU SURE YOU DID EVERYTHING ? Funniest Joke
Lawyer asks :
- Are you sure you tried everything to convince your husband not to get divorced?
- Of course I am sure, there is not even one not broken plate left in the house.
THEY DRANK ALL MY BEER - JOKES ABOUT LOVERS Fanny Jokes
One friend tells story to another :
- Imagine, I come home and I caught there my wife with her lover. When they saw me, they start giggling. And I kind of started worrying…. Right away I go to refrigerator, open it, and I saw what I thought – they drank all my beer.
WIFE WITH BLACK BELT IN KARATE Funny Jokes
Wife with black belt in karate – it`s a good family : well behaved and quiet children , polite mother-in-law , loving and faithful husband.
TOO HAPPY Funniest Short Jokes Ever
In psychologist`s office :
- Please help me. There is something wrong with me !!!
- Calm down. What is it are you worry about?
- I have no problems in life. I am very happy. But it`s not normal !!!
IF THEY ARE NOT MARRIED Funniest Joke
It’s amazing how much easier man can understand woman if they are not married.
SAY “CHEESE” INSTEAD OF “IRON” Fanny Jokes
Photographer says to a model :
- When I take a picture of you should say “cheese” instead of “iron”!!!
BOUGHT A NEW iPhone Funny Jokes
Do you think that you bought a new iPhone?
No, it’s Apple bought a new slave.
HIGH HEELS Funny Jokes Short
Shoes with high heels bring only positive things in life :
When girl puts them on – she becomes gorgeous woman ;
When she takes them off – she becomes the happiest person in the world.
HOW COME YOU CAN`T TALK Funniest Short Jokes Ever
Spouse saying to a husband :
- I have to converse with you about something very important, but I can't on the grounds that you constantly alcoholic.
- How come? I am dependably drunk, but you are the person who can not talk? I don't get it.
LOST EACH OTHER IN A STORE Funniest Joke
A couple lost each other in a major store.
So spouse asking charming sales rep:
- Please, can you grin to me?
- Why?
- If you do, my spouse will appear here in a second.
MY WIFE WANTS TO LOSE WEIGHT Fanny Jokes
- My better half needs to lose some weight, so she is completing a great deal of steed riding.
- And, what are the outcomes?
- For multi week horse shed 20 pounds.
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PRESENTLY IT'S USELESS Funny Jokes Short
- One person gripe to his companion:
- I don't have the foggiest idea about what's going on with my better half. Consistently she is hacking so bad, I can't rest.
- You ought to send her to a specialist.
- Oh, now it's futile. This evening I am leaving to an excursion for work for seven days.
IMPORTANT MATTER Funny Jokes
Spouse contend with husband:
- You can't pick what vehicle to purchase nearly for five months!!! Also, when we begin dating,you proposed to me after only multi week!!!
- Darling, you can't look at this sort of things. Picking the vehicle – it is essential issue!!!
HE THINKS THAT HE IS A CHICKEN
Can you imagine, my spouse has a fixation!!! All the time he conceives that he is a chicken!!!
– You need to convey him to a specialist.
– No, no, no!!! At that point I won't have new eggs for breakfast each day!!!
DELIGHTFUL WORDS Funniest Short Jokes Ever
Spouse saying to her significant other :
– Honey, is it genuine that my eyes blue, like a sky?
– Yes. – spouse answered
– And my lips red,like roses?
– Sure.
– Oh,I like it so much,when you saying to me such a delightful words.
ON THE BEACH Fanny Jokes
A couple are perched on the shoreline.
Spouse asking husband:
– What do you like more in me : my body or tan?
– Your comical inclination, – spouse reacted.
TOOK EACH OTHER PHONES Funny Jokes Short
They lived happily, until by mistake they took each other telephones.
HITCHED LIFE Funniest Short Jokes Ever
From a wedded life.
First year : he is talking – she is tuning in.
Second year : she is talking – he is tuning in.
Third year : they both are talking – neighbors are tuning in.
ONLY FOR A MINUTE Funniest Joke
Spouse saying to a husband :
– I 'll go to a neighbor for a moment and you blend soup like clockwork.
YOUR HUSBAND NEEDS COMPLETE REST Funny Jokes Short
- Your better half needs total rest, – specialist cays to a lady. – Here is the prescription for resting pills.
- How regularly does he need to take them, doctor?
- No dozing pills are for you, so he can have rest.
SHE IS IN A HURRY Funny Jokes Short
- Who are you talking there over 60 minutes? – spouse asks his significant other, inclining out of the window.
- This is Mrs. Dark colored, dear. She is in a rush, and she doesn't have sufficient energy to visit us.
TOTALLY DIFFERENT INTERESTS
A couple separating.
I the court judge ask spouse:
- What is the explanation behind separation?
- Unfortunately my significant other and me have totally extraordinary interests : I intrigued just with regards to ladies, and she interested just in men…
UTILIZING EAR AS AN ASHTRAY
- Why would you like to separate from your better half?
- She smokes in bed!
- Well, that's not an explanation behind separation.
- Yes, but additionally she gets a kick out of the chance to utilize my ear as an ashtray!!!
ASSORTED VARIETY IN THE DAILY DIET Funny Jokes Short
Spouse asks wife :
- Why did you begin making steaks distinctive sizes ?
- But, Honey, didn't you requested some assorted variety in our day by day diet ?!
I REALIZED THAT I AM THE VICTIM
Following ten years of marriage, the spouse asks her better half:
- Honey, would you say you are ordinarily a victor or a washout?
- Honey, throughout the years I understood that I am the unfortunate casualty …
THE WHOLE WORLD FOR ME – IT'S ONLY YOU
A couple are talking :
- I adore you!
- Prove it!
- How?
- Shout that you adore me so the entire world can hear you.
He unobtrusively strolled over and murmured in her ear:
- I adore you …
- Why so peaceful and why in the ear?
- Because the entire world for me – it's solitary you.
SPOUSE DECIDED TO LOSE WEIGHT
My better half chose to get thinner.
She began setting off to the wellness classes, pool and singing exercises.
You most likely have to ask: "Why the singing exercises?"
She simply need to make herself as occupied as possible, so she doesn't have a great deal of time to eat.
NEW HAIRSTYLE Funny Jokes
Spouse returns from pricey VIP hairdressing salon and asks husband :
- Honey, how do you like my new hairdo?
Spouse took a gander at wife and says :
- Don't stress it'll develop back quick!!!
I WILL NOT DRINK ANYMORE
Three heavy drinkers hosting a drinking gathering. One says:
- Guys, I won't drink any longer. As indicated by measurements, one out of four drunkards passes on.
- Yes, yet for what reason are you stressed, it's solitary three of us!
YOU'LL NEVER FIND WIFE LIKE ME
A couple are contending.
- You'll never discover spouse like me until the end of time.
- I will never look for one like you until kingdom come …
OFFICIAL'S TRAIN
What occurs if our authorities will be obligated to drive just by metro?
The dispatcher is going to stop different trains so as to let move the official's trains first, and we will hear a ton of this: " WE ARE DELAYED BECAUSE OF TRAIN TRAFFIC AHEAD OF US ".
ACCOMLISH SOMETHING UNUSUAL
Spouse saying to a husband :
– Life is so boring, I need to accomplish something unusual, something that I never did.
– Ok, – spouse responded, – you can press my shirt.
AN EXCESSIVE NUMBER OF COMPETITORS
Judge in the court is asking :
- Defendant, tell the court what was your arrangement to loot the bank?
- I can't, your respect.
- Why?!
- I can't tell the secret, because there are an excessive number of my rivals in this court.
TICKETS ON THE PIANO Funny Jokes Short
A couple passing by a taxi to the air terminal and they where extremely late. When they nearly got to the airplane terminal spouse says:
– I wish that we took our piano with us.
– What a senseless considerations you have in your mind? – spouse reacts.
– I overlooked our plane tickets on the piano.
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