29 Best English Funny Jokes of the day for Fun

Funny Jokes of the Day


NOTES FROM THE DIARY Funny Jokes of the Day

Woman went on a cruise ship to Bahamas. Amid the voyage she kept in touch with certain notes in the journal :

- MONDAY : Today I ate with skipper.

- TUESDAY : All morning I spent on a Captain's Bridge.

- WEDNESDAY : Today captain asked me to go to his cabin, but I refused.

- THURSDAY : Captain was
threatening me that if I won`t go to his cabin , he is going to sink the ship.

- FRIDAY : I am so happy…… Last night I saved 1500 people`s life!!!


Funny Jokes Of The Day, Funny Joke Of The Day
Funny Jokes of the Day


HER SHOES MATCHES THE COLOR OF TAXI Funny Joke of the Day

I heard that stylish women`s  shoes color and the color of her car must be the same.

I bought a yellow boots so they match the color of the taxi that I take every day.



SHE WILL NOT STOP…..Funny Jokes

Woman never knows what she wants, but will not stop until she gets that.



Funny Joke of the Day



HE CHANGED A LOT Joking Funny

- Do you really want to go back to her husband? Did he really changed so much for 7 years after you divorced?

- Yes, he changed a lot. Before he was working as sales person in a big department store and now he owns that store !!!



JUST WANTED TO MAKE SURE A Funny Joke

Guy comes to a bank and asks teller to give him all the money from the account.

Teller gives him the money, and he says:
- Now you can put the money back to my account, I just wanted to make sure all my money is here and safe.



THE MOST PERMANENT THINGS IN RUSSIA Joke Funny, Jokes in English

- What are the most permanent things in Russia?
- Temporary problems.



BEDBUGS ARE FLAT Funny Jokes of the Day

- What shape are bedbugs?
- They are flat, of course, because we sleep on them.



WHERE HAVE YOU SEEN ANGELS WITHOUT SHOES???Funny Joke of the Day

The pastor says the artist:
- Are you crazy! Where have you seen angels in the shoes?
- But where have you seen angels without shoes???


Funny Jokes Of The Day, Funny Joke Of The Day
Funny Jokes of the Day



FORGOT TO INCLUDE IT IN THE ORDER Funny Joke of the Day

The man is sitting in a restaurant and sees a fly in his soup.
He calls the waiter:
- I have a fly in my soup!
- Sorry, I forgot to include it in the order.



YOU ARE SO DUMB Funny Joke of the Day

- You are so dumb!
- But beautiful!
- Who told you that?
- You did.
- And you believe it?
- Of course!
- You are so dumb!
- But beautiful!



WE ONLY HAVE BEEF TODAY Joke Funny, Jokes in English

Famous explorer tells how he lived five years among the cannibals.
- My God!!! – hostess exclaimed – I’m afraid you’ll be disappointed: we only have beef today.



KING`S ARTHUR CASTLE Funny Joke of the Day

Guide:
- In front of you, gentlemen, the famous castle of King Arthur, built centuries ago.

Tired tourist:
- But why it was built so far from the railroad?



SPECIAL ALARM SYSTEM Funny Jokes of the Day

- I heard that you have very special alarm system, so no one can break into your house.

- Yes, I had it, but somebody stole it.



ASKING FOR HIS MONEY Joke Funny, Jokes in English

- I am asking you last time. When are you going to return my 500 dollars that you borrowed from me in June?

- Oh, Thanks' God, you asking me last time, because you started to annoy me to much!!!



UPTOWN TRAIN Funny Joke of the Day

Two guys run into the train last second, before doors closed.

– Does this train going to take me uptown? – one guy asking other passengers after doors closed and train start going.

– No, – they responded, – It`s going downtown!

– What about me? – asked the other guy.



MASSAGE FOR HIS OWN MONEY Joke Funny, Jokes in English

One guy comes to a Gentleman`s Club and says to the owner:

- I am a massage therapist, and I can massage your dancers only for 200 per week.

- Ok, – the owner responds, – if you have money with you, you can start right now.



LAUGH TILL TEARS Funny Jokes of the Day

- What could easily lead a man to tears?
– Laughing.



THERE IS NO BUS STOP Funny Joke of the Day

One guy goes into his house, but he noticed that a stranger is standing right next to a house. He asks him :
– What are you doing here ?
– Waiting for a bus , – stranger replied.

So, the guy went home, but after he remembered that there is no bus stop next to his house. He goes back outside and he see that stranger left. – ” Probably bus came ” – thought guy.



THESE POSITIONS ARE TAKEN Joke Funny, Jokes in English

Young beautiful girl comes to a job interview.
– What can you do? – they ask her.
– Nothing – she answer.
– Sorry, but these positions are already taken.



COMMON BULL ENHANCEMENT Funny Joke of the Day

Seven days after John purchased a bull, he griped to his companion, "All that bull does is eat grass. Won't take a gander at a bovine."

"Take him to the vet," his companion recommended.

The following week, John is a lot more joyful. "The vet gave him a few pills, and the bull overhauled the majority of my dairy animals!" he told his buddy. "At that point he got through the fence and reproduced with all my neighbor's dairy animals! He resembles a machine!"

"What sort of pills were they?" asked the companion.

"I don't have a clue, yet they have a peppermint taste."



Funny Jokes Of The Day, Funny Joke Of The Day
Funny Joke of the Day



A GRANDMOTHER'S WISDOM Joke Funny, Jokes in English

A poor person approaches a grandma at the shoreline with his hands out. "It would be ideal if you Sanora," the poor man argues, "I haven't eaten throughout the day."

"Great," says the grandma. "Presently you won't need to stress over issues when you take a dip."



WHAT'S A HIPSTER? Funny Jokes of the Day

"What's a fashionable person?" asked my four-year-old cousin.

"Somebody who will wear something just to appear to be unique," I said. "They'll frequently purchase garments in thrift shops and wear thick glasses."

"Is Grandma a trendy person?" he inquired.



YOU NEED A SHORTER PASSWORD Funny Joke of the Day

While he was visiting, my dad requested the secret phrase to our Wi-Fi.

"It's taped under the modem," ?I let him know.

After three fizzled endeavors to sign on, he asked, "Am I spelling this right? T-A-P-E-D-U-N-D-E-R-T-H-E-M-O-D-E-M?"



THE TIME TRAVELLING SOLDIER Funny Jokes of the Day

Right when an officer went to the center where I work for a MRI, he was put into the machine by an ?appealing, youthful expert. At some point later, when the examination ?was finished, he was assisted of the machine by a far more seasoned lady. The officer commented, "To what extent would i say i was ?in there for?"



70 YEAR OLD GEORGE Funny Joke of the Day

70-year-old George went for his yearly physical. He told the specialist that he felt fine, however regularly needed to go to the washroom amid the night. At that point he stated, "However you know Doc, I'm honored. God realizes my visual perception is going, so he puts on the light when I pee, and turns it off when I'm set!"

Somewhat later in the day, Dr. Smith called George's significant other and stated, "Your better half's test outcomes were fine, yet he said something odd that has been bothering me. He asserts that God kills the light on and for him when utilizes the restroom around evening time."

Thelma shouted, "That old trick! He's been peeing in the cooler once more!



FELLOW ON THE BEACH Funny Jokes of the Day

The person is perched on the beach. He needs to go swimming, but he is worried about the possibility that that someone is going to take his possessions. So, before go swimming he composed the note and put it over his things :

- "Somebody endeavor to take my things in the occasion that I am going to pound him all around seriously!!! "

P.S. Champion In Boxing.

He returns in the wake of swimming – all his stuff is missing and he sees the note rather than them :

- "you have to try to get me first !!! "

P.S. Champion In Running.



HE'LL LOVE ME AS I AM Funny Joke of the Day

Daytime when she looks in the mirror :

- I have to lose some weight, so my better half adore me more.

Evening time when she opens refrigerator :

- Well, if he truly adores me, he'll cherish me as I am.



I AM ON A DIET Funny Joke of the Day

Lady's contemplations who is on an eating routine :

- I am on the eating regimen. So, I chose not to eat anything at all after 6pm. Well… ..,yet I can drink some soup.



IN MEMORIAM Funny Jokes of the Day

Seeing her companion Sally wearing another memento, Meg inquires as to whether there is a keepsake or some likeness thereof inside.

"Indeed," says Sally, "a lock of my better half's hair."

"Be that as it may, Larry's as yet alive."

"I know, however his hair is no more."



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